


Abysmal Alleviation - GiTS Fanstory

by Very_Impractical_Girl



Category: Ghost in the Shell
Genre: Autism Spectrum, Bonding, F/F, Heart-to-Heart, Masochism, Mental Breakdown, Original Character(s), Original Universe, Sad and Sweet, Self-Harm, Self-Mutilation, Slight Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-09 06:06:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11098485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Very_Impractical_Girl/pseuds/Very_Impractical_Girl
Summary: Major discovers something about her close teammate and friend.Yeah, this is a short story featuring my Ghost in the Shell character, and this doesn't take place in any existing GiTS universe, it's kind of my own. I want to make a long story about it, but I don't think i'm ready for that yet.I feel like people here won't like this, but I don't know where else to post this really... This is just here so I can link it to my friends.  If people somehow are curious though, basic info about my character is in notes before the story starts.This is a vent and also just practice...so yeah. This might be bad at the moment, I'll be checking it for mistakes later tonight, I just wanna post it.





	Abysmal Alleviation - GiTS Fanstory

**Author's Note:**

> So in case random people do decide to read these short practice stories, i'm gonna have to give some info about my Ghost in the Shell universe...
> 
> \--Moonlight's Brief Bio--  
> Her 'name' is Moonlight, which is a nickname, her real name isn't ever said. She's a 27 year old blonde girl, with a Blue eye and a Red right eye which is an implant. Major and Batou met her after discovering a organization's plans to conduct human experimentation on adults on the Autism Spectrum, which they promptly stopped rather quickly. Moonlight was test subject 21 and was quite grateful to Section 9 for rescuing her. Being a terrible adult, losing her wallet, and not having any living family, she ended up stranded in New Port City. After some discussion, Aramaki decided she could stay at Section 9's headquarters, as long as she helped the team out, by doing general chores and keeping the place clean. She's just fine with that.  
> Also, she's gay for Major. Like, really gay.
> 
> \--Notes on Major--  
> Appearance-wise she's the 1995 version. Her personality is also the 1995 version pretty much, more mellow and shy, but she also has some sass in her, so if she's comfortable she'll be sarcastic.
> 
> \--Trigger Warning--  
> This could legitimately trigger someone so yeah, warning that this story features cutting and self-injury.

Major's eyes fluttered open, and she saw the blank ceiling above her. Giving a weird sigh, she moved her cybernetic frame, to get off her bed. She didn't know why she woke up, but sleeping was quite different from recharging. Seeing it was still dark outside, she thought she might as well get up and wander around for a bit. Sleeping was odd for her, and it was oftentimes difficult for her to drift off into heavy rest...

Entering the hallway, she made sure to remain quiet. She also internally checked the time. 1 AM in the morning. Everyone else was definitely asleep. Major sighed, she really didn't like being alone with her thoughts, but just walking around seemed to help, for whatever reason. She passed by most of her teammate's rooms, and headed into the next hallway. Then she paused as she that the light was on in Moonlight's room.

"Mehh..." she found herself grumble out loud and she wasn't sure why. Her thoughts on Moonlight were pretty scattered, but she was definitely a friend. Being truly honest with herself, she was actually a....."friend". Major made a face, noting that going into her room at 1 AM could result in any number of things happening. She didn't know if she should, something quick could feel nice she guessed....but it made her feel dickish. The kid really liked her, not just in a sexual sense. But in a _'I want to buy you flowers and make you laugh'_ kind of sense.  
She realized that the word 'kid' had been in her thoughts. Even though she was 27, Moonlight acted more like a kid. Or teenager. She was just...weird. She could watch Youtube on her cybernetic eye implant all day long and not get bored with it. Or make memes. Ugh. Memes. Why did the things still exist, they were honesty so abstract now, she didn't understand any of them. Thankfully Moonlight still liked the older ones, the ones that made.....somewhat more sense. She wasn't a fan of Moonlight sending them to her though. Opening a notification just to hear _"Daaamnn Daniel"_ or "Never Gonna Give You Up" wasn't exactly funny to her. 

Still, her sending them to her meant she wanted her to laugh, or something. That she wanted to talk with her. Major had learned that was kind of a big deal for someone on the Autism spectrum, people who usually avoided attempting social interaction. Quite frankly, there was a lot she didn't know, she was surprised that she even had it. On the day Section 9 rescued everyone, Moonlight had actually been ahead of the game. When a glass panel broke in the lab, she picked up a shard and hid it behind her back as another poor victim was restrained. Then, at the right moment, she stabbed a doctor with it when he approached her. Major had no idea that someone with Autism could be capable of that kind of thought process. She always thought they just....couldn't do much but stare at toys. It made her feel like an asshole, for misjudging a whole group of people like that.

_'Hmm, fuck it.'_ she thought to herself, and decided to go in to visit her. Just to say hi and talk for a bit. If that lead to more, then whatever. She went up to her door and opened it, completely forgetting to knock. Moonlight was sitting on the ground, her back facing her. She turned her head in surprise as Major stepped in.

"The hell!?" 

Whoops. She didn't mean to scare her. Major realized by her sudden odd movement that she wasn't scared, she looked like she was trying to hide something. She clearly didn't think it through and turned a bit to try and shove something underneath her bed. The commander caught a glimpse of...bright red on her forearm. Sudden fear entered her chest, and she didn't know why. She was just injured, right?

"What the fuck is that?"

"Uh-uhh, what's what?"

"You think i'm stupid? What happened, did you fa-"

Her heart sank. She couldn't finish her sentence. To the left of the blonde she saw the tip of a sharp knife blade. What. Tons of thoughts entered Major's head all within a few short seconds. Why did she have a knife in her room? Did she fucking cut herself? What does that even mean? She had heard of cutting before, but thought it was joke. Whiny emo kids who wanted to die talked about cutting right? She did remember that slashing the wrists was a real form of suicide however.

"Wh....What did you do...?"

She sounded slightly angry as she got closer to her and kneeled down. Moonlight kept her right forearm in front of her stomach, keeping it out of view. Didn't move a muscle, or bother to answer her. This forced Major to ask again, more forcefully this time.

"What did you do??? Show me!"

"Why the fuck are you awake?!?"

she shot back, turning her head a little, revealing a slightly red and tear stroked face. Major's suddenly felt a sharp, strong, painful emotion hit her chest, one that felt incredibly terrible. She wasn't used to...feeling.....and Moonlight really made her feel the human emotions that she usually kept back. Her voice turned soft.

"M-Moonlight..." She felt the sudden urge to pull her close, to hug her. She rarely felt anything like that before. It felt...gay... Oddly enough, Moonlight's eyes turned into a longing, cautious look. Major put a hand on her shoulder, somehow comforting the other girl. This led to her slowly revealing her right arm, which Major nearly gagged upon seeing.

"Ugh!"

Bright red strikes lined the underside of her forearm, some of which were still open, still fresh. One particular gash was really deeper than the others, slightly at an angle, showing a angle of dark red. Small drips of blood were pooling on the surface of the more open wounds. Major couldn't understand why someone would do this to themselves, it was bizarre to her, confusing, and also disturbing, but she didn't go overboard with showing her discomfort. In fact she was more concerned now more than anything.

"Don't move. We should-"

"Clean it? Yeah, I know. I was going to." 

Major didn't say anything as she quickly rushed off to get a cloth and alcohol. She was baffled beyond belief, especially at how matter of factly Moonlight responded to her. The sickly realization hit her that she had probably done this before, if she knew to clean out the cuts....still she had never noticed any scars on her arms before... The cyborg shook her head a bit as she felt like she was in a daze. After getting the needed supplies, she returned to Moonlight's room, only to freeze up in sheer terror.

**"THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? DROP THAT KNIFE OR I'LL FORCIBLY TAKE IT FROM YOU. FUCKNUT."**

She didn't mean that, but she was terrified at what she saw. And Major didn't get scared, she turned her fear into anger instead. Moonlight had picked up the knife in the short time she was gone and appeared to be shoving it into the already deep cut, making it bleed even more. She knelt down, pouring alcohol onto the small washcloth, slightly spilling it, realizing that she was shaking a bit.

"....okay...bitch, chill out..."

"'Chill out'? Look at what you've done to yourself! You expect me to be calm? This is going to burn..."

"Y-Yeah, I know..."

Major noticed her give a weak nod of sorts. She was hesitant, but pressed the cloth onto her open cuts.

"H-Haaahhh...hah yeah..." That reaction was one of the oddest things Major had ever witnessed. It sounded like a groan of pleasure, but still mixed with pain. Moonlight turned to her, and suddenly her face kinda just dropped. She looked upset, with a childlike expression somehow...

"Y...You're angry at me....aren't you..."

She realized that she had been glaring at Moonlight this entire time. Was she angry? She didn't think so, as she didn't want to leave her side. Moonlight sounded weak, and she was worried that she lost too much blood, even though none of the cuts slashed a main blood vessel.

"No...I was frightened..."

Major never thought she would hear herself say that out loud. But it was the truth. She felt that heavy feeling in her chest once more, not sure what it was exactly, but it made her feel oddly weak. She had her head down and just stared at the floor for some reason. Moonlight put a hand on her shoulder, which she didn't expect. 

"Ah, hey....I'm sorry....I'm okay, honest.....I didn't want you to find out like this...." She lifted her head and looked at her in surprise. Her robotic eyes obviously delayed that surprised look, because Moonlight suddenly smiled at her for a split second. For some reason, the blonde found her occasional eye errors to be 'cute'. She shook her head still in confusion, as Moonlight moved so she could lean up against her bed.

"I...I've never seen any cuts on you...?"

She tapped her temple giving a weird sly looking smile, while using the other hand to pull up her shirt, revealing many, but not as deep lines across the sides of her ribs.  
"You don't have to worry about hiding cutting marks, if you just cut places that are always covered anyways."

Oh. That was a very old meme she was just imitating. It was clever, the joke worked, but Major felt way too.....upset...to smile. Which wasn't common for her. There was slight wetness in her eyes as well, which she immediately forced back in. Nope. Not gonna do that. But it made her realize she really cared for the little weirdo, and knowing she was deliberately harming herself actually made her upset.

"My arm...this was....well, I haven't cut my arm in a while. I....I kinda went overboard this time, sorry."

She just squinted in response, before going ever to sit right next to her, also leaning against her bed. Oddly, she felt tired now, but she wasn't done here.

".....Moonlight....explain....this....to me please..."

Glancing at her, she saw slight fear or worry in the blondes' eyes. She sighed.

"I'm not mad....I'm confused by this....you want to risk bleeding out or..?"

The other girl slightly leaned closer to her, and kind of gave a shrug. She was oddly calm for having just done something like this. Major moved slightly and allowed Moonlight to rest her head on her shoulder.

"No. I'm not trying to die. In fact, i'm very careful to avoid major veins. I'll try to explain but i'm not sure if-"

"I'm listening. Go ahead." Moonlight seemed to give her a grateful look, as Major's voice sounded calm again. For some reason, Major also felt her hand rest on the girls other arm gently. She knew that probably made her happy...

"There's a scientific explanation actually. But for some reason they still won't come out and say it."

"Eh?" 

"Well, in the brain, there's all kinds of chemicals as you probably know. Whenever the body gets injured, it releases...some kind of endorphins I think? It's a natural pain killer, there for survival I guess. But when it blocks physical pain it also gives you a happy, woozy effect mental-wise too. So yeah...that's why. Kinda simple. I dunno why there's still debate, that 'feeling real again' shit. Bottom line is, it feels nice to me. I don't expect you to understand-"

"So you don't feel numb?" Major asked her, starting to remember when she briefly heard about the topic before. She didn't ever hear about what Moonlight had just explained to her though, which did surprise her a bit. But the topic did make her feel quite a lot of things, and she did think that maybe there were various reasons for it...or something like that....

"Pfft, no-" The blonde said rather suddenly, but she seemed to pause a bit. "I mean...I don't think so...I'm not sure what that even feels like. I feel like being numb would be great."

"Well see, you don't even know so I guess that's why....all these studies on the human thought process and emotions...it's likely never just black and white...hmm..." It was fascinating to the Major that other human organs could be easily replicated, but so much about the brain was still a mystery, still being studied. Moonlight looked much more relaxed, and even seemed to have a small smile on her face. Which again, was baffling to The Major. She was just going to drop the whole thing until Moonlight suddenly asked her a question, one that she almost didn't want to answer, but she did.

"What about you then? Why were you so concerned?"

"You were crying..."

"Well....yeah. But if the pain is bad enough, I'm still a little bitch. Again, it's the after-effects I like, not the pain itself."

She had to smirk at hearing 'little bitch' but still patted her arm in some kind of protective gesture, before pushing her off her to get up. Her mind was tired oddly enough, and sleep felt incredibly nice to her at the moment. She didn't want to let the younger one off the hook though.

"Sure... But you're important, I do wish you wouldn't-"

"Hah? You care about me Major?" The blonde smirked, in a teasing manner. This made her freeze up slightly, she hated being seen 'soft'. But she also wanted to go to bed. She frowned but turned her head slowly.

"No. I'm just keeping check of everyone here. You included."

"Aw..." Moonlight whined jokingly, knowing that Major did care and was just covering it up. The commander gave her a short glance of compassion, before forcing the words out, since Moonlight had a weary look on her face, a slightly sad look as well.

"Are you fine with being alone after this?"

".....well....I'd honesty rather not.....but i'm fine-"

"Hm. You can come lay with me."

Moonlight blinked in surprise, but stood up, giving a brief smile. They had slept together in the same bed together before, but it was still always a little awkward. 

"Oh-Ok. Uh, nothing has to.....happen-"

"Yeah, I'm not exactly in the mood..." Major was going to add 'after seeing that' but she didn't know if the younger would feel offended. She was quite sensitive, over the smallest things. Confusing. She still found herself putting a hand on her shoulder as they walked back. She felt protective? Ugh, emotion... She decided she wouldn't tell anyone else about this, the younger truly didn't seem suicidal, but still.... She felt Moonlight tug at her top slightly, making her look directly at her.

"Thanks Major.."


End file.
